Helen K Presents

Exit the Cage by Helen Kim

Helen Kim — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 22:20:18 +0000

I’m caught. There are no options.

My throat tightens causing my voice to become shrill; my shoulders are shoved into my stiff neck.

I can’t imagine that anyone could behave the way she does. “What makes her think she can do this and get away with it?,” I ask myself. “What’s my role? “What’s the lesson here?” Loving-kindness is great in theory, but send loving thoughts her way? NO WAY!

Distracted, I scan the room trying to avoid the bright sun rays that permeate this space. I see the painting of the crab that my mother gave me 2 years ago, evidence of her latently discovered artistic talents. I peruse the spines of the books on my shelves which cause me to reflect on the different and significant milestones in my life which is getting longer and longer. I return to planning our dinner party for 13, mining for recipes. “Simple is good”, says my beau relieving me somewhat of the self-imposed pressure I feel to envelop my friends in a gastronomical bubble. Still, I can’t help myself. My mind toggles back and forth. “Should the first course be a pasta dish or fried calamari? Roasted potatoes or Potatoes Anna?”

The day progresses. I flee into my world of phone calls + emails + meetings = Connection. Laughter is heard on the phone lines, smiles are seen via video conference calls. Technology delivers today.

The illusion of helplessness begins to slide away.

The sky grows dark, one indication that this long day is soon ending, but the darkness helps me focus.

She is deeply unhappy and that’s what informs her actions. I manage to unearth a very, very tiny bit of compassion towards her, despite a knee jerk reaction to resist the slightly kinder lens through which I try to see her.

It’s now the end of the day.

I realize that I have exited my cage.

Tomorrow, Mark Matousek will be speaking at the Gates Foundation at 9:30 AM PST, hosted by author Eckhart Tolle and actor Jim Carrey.

He will speak about Why Story Matters: Transformative Power of Telling the Truth.

You can catch him live here. http://www.livestream.com/gatelive

Want to get up close and personally learn from Mark? Click on Marks’ photo to learn about his upcoming workshop in New York City, “The Art of Spiritual Memoir”.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

10:00 AM – 5:00 PM

“Teacher. Mentor. Speaker. Mark Matousek’s work is devoted to showing you how to achieve creative and spiritual freedom through self-inquiry.”
- Psychology Today

This workshop is designed to introduce students of all levels – from non-writers to professional wordsmiths – to the art of spiritual memoir.

Sign up today and enjoy the early bird price of $109 (ends February 20th)

Click here to register!

Last chance to enjoy an early bird special price on the upcoming Masterclass Series!

The Masterclass Series (with Jennifer Hamady & Helen Kim starts soon…

Just a reminder —

Want to be your personal best? Click here to learn how you can work with masters who can help you.

Hurry, the early bird price ends February 7th and the $25.00 off coupon code - IAMKINDWITHMYSELF expires tomorrow (February 4th).

Click here to register!

Crafting Communication by Jennifer Hamady

Helen Kim — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 21:25:55 +0000

On the surface communication seems obvious. One person speaks and another listens. Switch. Repeat. Yet there’s much more to it than that.

To begin, it’s often an incredible challenge to be certain that what you say is an accurate reflection of what you truly feel and think. It requires a self-awareness and candor that many people either haven’t fully developed or have lost touch with, thanks to our often automatic conversational responses.

As well, effective communication demands that you ensure that your accurately expressed experience translates correctly to the person with whom you’re speaking. Many people stop at verifying that what they say makes sense, rather than go the distance to ensure that it has been properly received.

Finally, the matters of tone, body language, energy, and intention must also be accounted for, which contributes a great deal to interpersonal confusion, frustration, and misunderstanding.

Still, there is another consideration to be made. As important as the language you choose, the message you craft and deliver, and the physical and energetic contexts in which you do so, is ascertaining the actual number of entities involved in a conversation.

It may sound like simple addition, but look closely. When two people are talking, they aren’t alone. Both bring to the table their present, deliberate selves, as well as the aspects that have been formed, often unwittingly and unconsciously, by their conditioning and past experiences.

Consider a recent decision you made. See if you can recall the different and likely disparate messages from the part of you that knows who you truly are and where you stand in the world, and the part that is still caught up in less than ideal thoughts and patterns from long ago.

One person was engaged in this ‘conversation’, yet two entities were communicating. Enter another person, and four ‘people’ are now reacting to what is being said (and not said), each with their own very distinct agendas and perceptions.

No wonder things get so confusing!

Fortunately, there is a solution. We have the opportunity, in every moment, to shift the way we define and experience communication, to slow down and really listen to others and ourselves. As you make this shift you find that an entire world of awareness- and, as a result, improved relationships, awaits.

What to experience Jennifer’s teachings, live?

You can watch her introductory video on YouTube -

Click here to find out about her class on February 25th and take advantage of both the Early Bird rate AND the Coupon Code discount if you are a subscriber.

Just a reminder —

Want to be your personal best? Click here to learn how you can work with masters who can help you.

Remember – You are still eligible to pay the Early Bird Fee AND receive your Coupon Code discount! (COUPON CODE: Iamkindwithmyself)

Enjoy your weekend and get lots of R & R!

Love,

My real name is David Jones by David Bowie

Helen Kim — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 21:30:24 +0000

These days one swings through cyberspace, clicking from link to link to link. Earlier this week, my friend Shanna Facebooked (has this word
entered the OED yet? OED = Oxford English Dictionary, a rather thick
book that seems to be disappearing off the shelves of libraries and
homes) a link to a letter that had been posted on this wonderful site;
http://www.lettersofnote.com.

(Warning: Don’t click on it yet, lest you know you have an hour or
more to spare)

Here at Daily R-Elations I usually post original content by people I
know, but thought, “It’s Friday….” and this charming letter written
by David Bowie reminds us that we are all stars AND fans; one can not
exist without the other. Yin/Yang. Businesses/Clients and Customers.

We are moving away from professional critics (mentioned in this letter
below) as we have the whole world commenting and yelping their
opinions. The whole world = our critics. There are no barriers to
entry now. That’s great news for businesses that are focused on
elevating our consciousness whether through entertainment, beautiful
design and/or intelligent and educational discourse (and preferably,
all three combined).

You might say that the topic of this post would be classified under
“work relationships”, but really, it’s about how to live life well.

Here is the link to the letter below: http://www.lettersofnote.com/2009/12/my-real-name-is-david-jones.html

25th., September 1967

Dear Sandra,

When I called in this, my manager’s office, a few moments ago I was handed my very first American fan letter – and it was from you. I was so pleased that I had to sit down and type an immediate reply, even though Ken is shouting at me to get on with a script he badly needs. That can wiat (wi-at? That’s a new English word which means wait).

I’ve been waiting for some reaction to the album from American listeners. There were reviews in Billboard and Cash Box, but they were by professional critics and they rarely reflect the opinions of the public. The critics were very flattering however. They even liked the single “Love You Till Tuesday”. I’ve got a copy of the American album and they’ve printed the picture a little yellow. I’m really not that blond. I think the picture on the back is more ‘me’. Hope you like those enclosed.

In answer to your questions, my real name is David Jones and I don’t have to tell you why I changed it. “Nobody’s going to make a monkey out of you” said my manager. My birthday is January 8th and I guess I’m 5’10″. There is a Fan Club here in England, but if things go well in the States then we’ll have one there I suppose. It’s a little early to even think about it.

I hope one day to get to America. My manager tells me lots about it as he has been there many times with other acts he manages. I was watching an old film on TV the other night called “No Down Payment” a great film, but rather depressing if it is a true reflection of The American Way Of Life. However, shortly after that they showed a documentary about Robert Frost the American poet, filmed mainly at his home in Vermont, and that evened the score. I am sure that that is nearer the real America. I made my first movie last week. Just a fifteen minutes short, but it gave me some good experience for a full length deal I have starting in January.

Thank you for being so kind as to write to me and do please write again and let me know some more about yourself.

Yours sincerely,

(Signed, ‘David Bowie’)

Just a reminder —

Want to be your personal best? Click here to learn how you can work with masters who can help you.

Remember – You are still eligible to pay the Early Bird Fee AND receive your Coupon Code discount! (COUPON CODE: Iamkindwithmyself)

Enjoy your weekend and get lots of R & R!

Love,

If you enjoyed this article – please feel free to forward it to a friend! All of the notes and articles that we send in the Daily R-Elations emails are also posted on the web site as well.

P.S. If you have the interest and some time to read this, here is the link to the memo written by Jeffrey Katzenberg, one time head of Disney Pictures.

Here he is reminding Disney of their mission after their disappointment with the film, Dick Tracy (not even Warren Beatty could save the film!).

It is said that this memo inspired Cameron Crowe when he wrote the film, Jerry McGuire http://www.lettersofnote.com/2011/11/some-thoughts-on-our-business.html

All The World’s A Stage…

Helen Kim — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 21:30:40 +0000

“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts…”

~ As You Like It, William Shakespeare

Greetings from Park City, Utah where the Sundance Festival is taking place!

View from my window.
Ski slopes in Park City, Utah, last night

Here is what I’ve been focused on due to the nature of where I am and with whom I am spending time over the next days.

Our lives tell a story.

If you were to look at film as a metaphor and were assigned the task of producing a film based on your life, how would you craft it?

Synopsis of the plot: In any good film, the protagonist experiences some kind of transformation – they come to some realization that changes them (otherwise, nothing really happens). Robert McKee of Story (www.mckeestory.com) says that there is an inciting incident which is an event that radically upsets the balance of forces in the protagonist’s life. Once that happens the protagonist’s desire is to bring his/her life back into balance.

The protagonist must have a powerful desire which drives them to attempt to satisfy it. Unless one is lucky, it usually doesn’t happen on the first try or go-around. So s/he tries again… and again. Your story picks up momentum and tension at this point because in the attempt to re-balance, tension, anxiety and a great deal of risk occurs as you deal with all that happens.

This is the stuff of life. We all experience a number of inciting incidences and work to re-balance ourselves, and hopefully, each time becoming more self-realized in our efforts.

You are at Central Casting. Whom would you hire?

Producer/Director - That’s got to be you and if someone else is taking charge, you’re the Assistant Director or Associate Producer in your life. I want you to get a Globe or Oscar for your body of work, so you might need to make some executive decisions and root out any one who is trying to usurp your power.

Cast of characters – Who surrounds you? Who is in your life? What does each person bring?

Original Music – Your personal soundtrack. Music is emotional. What do you listen to? Are there genres of music you want to explore in order to expand your own repertoire of listening?

Editor – Is there someone who helps you get to the essence of what you desire? They are usually more exacting than you perhaps and their ultimate goal is to help shape what you are trying to express.

Set Design – What kinds of living and work environments inspire you? Are your home and office space reflections of that? Do they bring beauty and comfort to you?

Costume and Wardrobe Design – How do you express yourself through your clothes? Do you love everything you put on your body? How do you present yourself to the world?

Hair and Makeup – How well do you take care of yourself? Do you groom yourself to your liking?

Special Thank You’s – These usually go out to those who don’t get paid, but offer in-kind services and support. Who deserves a Special Thank You from you?

Love,

Between Devils and Gods

Helen Kim — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 20:03:17 +0000

Since we began, we have shared a couple of Daily R-Elations posts written by my friend and business strategist, Ted Coburn. Here, I want to share a response he received from his friend, Bruce Mangels, in reaction to a piece Ted wrote about his discouragement with a number of situations in which he found people to behave poorly. Ted’s response to Bruce’s words? “…. hard-hitting and its lessons hard-earned. Most of all, I was struck by Bruce’s heartfelt earnestness. It was as if he were trying to heal my heart, knowing that he could not.”

I too found wisdom in Bruce’s riff about ego and the illusion that we need to fix anything. Ted put me in touch with Bruce so I could personally ask his permission to share this with you – a loving note, from one friend to another. I hope to meet Bruce some day soon.

Teddy,

After our brief phone conversations, I sensed a disturbance. Trouble on the reservation. A man caught in a crossfire…between devils and gods! (a nod to the late Dan Fogelberg for that phrase). Buddha said in order “to stop hurting, stop wanting.” And you want SO much!

The transformation of people through life is slow, inexorably so. But how, and when, do we arrive at the intellectual loading dock, to steal the freight that belongs to others? We take possession of invisible stuff…problems, situations… while projecting our values on these “naked” entities, becoming hypocritical common thieves. I forget the character in a Dickens novel that focuses, with a quixotic detachment, on the plight of the starving children in Africa, while her child’s head is stuck in the stair banister behind her! We get confused, losing sight of priorities, which are standing in front of us…staring right into our soul. It’s easier than examining ourselves. It’s called denial!!

Our feelings and our emotions are strange, powerful forces. To ourselves! They are real to us… but they have no relationship to the real world. The world, the universe, life, does not respond to them.

That’s a principle (“It” does have emotions or feelings. ”It” is what “It” is. ”It” does what “It” does). Principles are true everywhere. Similar to gravity!! As soon as humans buy into the fallacy that we can usurp power from God, and take control…bingo: the ego blossoms, grows, spreading it’s lies into every nook and cranny of our “being.” Like roots growing into the cracks in a masonry wall…eventually rendering the wall a structural impostor! Allowing our emotions and feelings to rule our lives renders us structural impostors, as well.

Another principle: we do not have control over any one else. People make their own decisions based on what will be in their own best interest…short term, best interest decisions often result in long term “contra” outcomes. No person makes another person do something, anything. Ever! (Oh, sure, people proclaim that a certain action was “because he made me”, or “he pissed me off, so…”! Well, see how well emotions and feelings allowed you to keep digging that hole even deeper? That’s crazy thinking! Insanity!). When we arrive at the intellectual point that we THINK we can “fix” another’s situation, or behavior, that’s ego again, and it’s selfish. How does one “fix” things such as that? You THINK that their behavior or their thought process is “broken”? Basically….who the hell do you think you are? Who is the judge here? Who died and made you the boss? By always trying to “fix” stuff that doesn’t belong to us, we deny others the opportunity to experience and learn. Ego. Selfish.

What worked for me, and other people who have made the conscious choice to discover a new way, is simply, to stop going back into old behaviors, engaged in for decades. Our memory is all we have to navigate our way through life…we always go BACK, back into what we THINK worked for us in similar situations. At some point, old behaviors yield consequences that no longer work. We need a new set of experiences to re-member. A new memory! (The process for achieving this will be left to a later time.)

I often hear people state that their feelings have been hurt. Or they try to avoid emotionally painful situations. We have been taught that pain is something to be avoided! Nonsense! Pain is a great teacher. And, as with ALL emotions and feelings, NO ONE dies from pain (or from any other emotions). Determine the source …then learn how to face the root cause of your pain: stand up to it, and you will take a first step toward regaining control over your “self”…and ALL that resides in that most wondrous of places!!

Do you know The Serenity Prayer? Give it a go …. believe in it, then trust in its wisdom.

Surrender….let go. The world will not bow to your will.

Breathe. Relax. You know who is in charge…

Love you, man. Take five… (Dave Brubeck!)

At Work With Your Self by Helen Kim

Helen Kim — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 23:01:00 +0000

Connecting with successful entrepreneurs is one of the highlights of my life.

It shouldn’t be a surprise to learn that there are certain common traits that contribute to their success.

Some lessons learned?

~ Be generous

More begets more. Open up your rolodex. Share your stories and personal insights with others. Listen well. (You know that saying, right? “We are designed to have 2 ears and one mouth for a reason”.)

~ Stay focused on the task at hand

The thing is to know just what it is that you want, then it is a lot easier to know what the next steps need to be. We only need to go from A to B, not A to Z.

~Spend your time efficiently

Don’t waste time on anything that doesn’t fulfill you.

~ Don’t complain

Just work to change things you don’t like.

~Be good with your word

If you say it or sign off on it, mean it.

~Cultivate your intuition

Remain tapped into your body and notice when something shifts, tightens, loosens, releases…. Pay attention to coincidences. They happen partly because that is where you are focused or you wouldn’t have noticed them in the first place. These are a couple of ways a part of you is trying to capture the attention of the other part of you that might not be listening.

~ Fail fast

Have an idea? Great! Make it happen only to see if it’s worth taking to the next step. If not, chuck the idea or tweak things quickly and move on. You have to have the ability to let go of things that don’t work.

~Break bad habits

Pema Chodron says that we should train in the three difficulties (or, the three difficult practices) are:

to recognize your neurosis as neurosis;
then not to do the habitual thing, but to do something different to interrupt the neurotic habit; and
to make this practice a way of life.

~ Have fun

Being serious about your work while having fun are not mutually exclusive. As (Sir) Richard Branson says, “Create things that make people smile…”
To do that, first make yourself smile.

~Root out clutter

Clutter is merely a physical extension of what is going on within. So if you have to go from the outside in, start there. The three places to start: closets, paper and your fridge.

~ Take vacations or as many breaks as needed

Learn to understand your rhythms and consciously recharge as often as necessary. You’re no good to anyone when you’re exhausted and uninspired. (If you didn’t listen to the interview I did with Marc Allen, you might be interested in hearing him talk about how he created a publishing empire as a self-described “lazy” person. It was in this Daily R-Elations post here (Mask Link and place in “here”)

~ Spend money joyfully (both for work and play)

It does take money to make money. You just have to make sure that you are spending it on things that contribute to the foundation of your business. Start with a tasting of something before plunging tons of dollars towards a service, a membership, an assistant. “Date” before you commit.

~ Simplify, simplify, simplify.

Keep things simple. Know the bottom line of every situation. Don’t muddy things in order to cover up somethingt you might need to look at.

~ Know thyself. Own who you are.

Build your life around who you are. Nobody else can determine what that looks like for you (and don’t expect family members to understand your quirky ways either). Notice how people who are rooted from within are rarely off kilter?

Anything here that you would like to focus on? Feel free to comment on the site or share your own insights on our Facebook page at www.facebook.com/HelenKimCommunity

Love,

What You Appreciate Appreciates by Helen Kim

Helen Kim — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 22:03:32 +0000

“I have gone from being a complete idiot with money to achieving the life of my dreams…..” ~ Marc Allen

Last month I was fortunate enough to have a conversation with Marc Allen, founder and publisher of New World Library, the company behind classics like Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now and A New Earth, Shakti Gawain’s Creative Visualization and Daniel Millman’s The Peaceful Warrior, among many other best-selling books and critically-acclaimed authors.

You can listen to our unedited conversation by using the audio player controls below.

For years I have heard Marc publicly describe himself as a lazy person. It’s true that Marc never works on Mondays and keeps his Friday schedule open in case he doesn’t feel like working (his family knows that when he says he’s going off to meditate not to be surprised if they hear some snoring… : )

However, he is absolutely vigilant about something that many of us don’t harness; our subconscious mind. Marc pays attention to what he says to himself. He is also great at taking naps.

Unless aware of what could be old, habitual tapes that play through our lives (usually from an early age), we can be our own worst enemy, sabotaging and depriving ourselves of what’s truly possible for each of us.

Marc’s no-nonsense methodology to building the life of his dreams which includes a multi-million dollar publishing company, a 10,000 square foot home in the Bay Area that he now claims is way to big for him and a loving family, all achieved in his “lazy” style, working Tuesday — the occasional Friday, began when he dared to dream his ideal life. He imagined 5 years had passed and everything had gone as well as he could have ever imagined (a great reminder to start with the end in mind, then to create a plan by working backwards from there.) He then noticed what was really holding him back by tapping into his deepest feelings and thoughts which included thoughts like, “You are so irresponsible with money.”, etc.

When you try this exercise, notice what happens when you leap forward and imagine only the best for yourself. Tap into your inner voices. What thoughts come up? Does your body relax or tense up? Do you truly believe that a deeply happy, prosperous life could happen for you? I find it helpful to take a big pad and pen and let your thoughts stream from your head and heart onto the paper without judgment. Try it. It’s freeing and I’ve found that my best writing usually starts from there. Write down what your ideal life looks like in 5 years, then write down whatever thoughts come up for you.

I could spend countless numbers of months discussing our subconscious mind – afterall, unless aware of our own stumbling blocks, it’s what really drives our actions for better or worse.

Next, Marc determined the very next steps he could take to get closer to his goals. NOTE: They were simple next steps, not leaps. For instance, my next steps towards building my company may be seemingly small ones like making sure I write SOMEthing each day towards these posts; that each week I reach out to at least one person I don’t yet know, that I keep in touch on a daily basis with my team members and let them know what’s coming down the pike.

At the same time, Marc started working on his subconscious mind by noticing when the old, unhelpful thoughts that squashed his self-confidence, cropped up, countering them with uplifting, supportive thoughts that gave him some space to move towards his goals.

I don’t think this is self-help “positive-thinking” tactic but a way of being that requires us to be self-sufficient and become our own best friend. Getting a handle on our subconscious mind can help us meld our many selves and lead to making us truly whole.

Links to books mentioned by Marc:

Money Magic by Deborah Price

http://newworldlibrary.com/BooksProducts/ProductDetails/tabid/64/SKU/12449/Default.aspx

Work with Passion by Nancy Anderson

http://newworldlibrary.com/BooksProducts/ProductDetails/tabid/64/SKU/14441/Default.aspx” onclick=”return TrackClick(‘http%3A%2F%2Fnewworldlibrary.com%2FBooksProducts%2FProductDetails%2Ftabid%2F64%2FSKU%2F14441%2FDefault.aspx’,'http%3A%2F%2Fnewworldlibrary.com%2FBooksProducts%2FProductDetails%2Ftabid%2F64%2FSKU%2F14441%2FDefault.aspx%22′)”

Marc Allen’s books and courses http://marcallen.com/

New World Library’s website (www.newworldlibrary.com)

Love,

Helen shares a convo she had with herself but also offers you a special coupon code for upcoming courses

Helen Kim — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 22:27:43 +0000

Happy 2012!

I hope you had a chance to get some R & R in over the holidays?

I went out (South)West with my beau and channeled parts of Annie Oakley, which gave me a lot of ‘First” experiences; I rode a horse, shot a BB gun and drove a 4-Wheel-Drive car through unpaved back roads that essentially take you to the Mexican border (yup, this New Yorker doesn’t have a driver’s license).

And now, I’m back in the saddle as they say in the (South)West.

One of my 2012 resolutions is to keep my older tendencies to slip into bouts of perfectionism (fear), judgement (fear) and shame (fear), in check, and to uphold and maintain my big vision – for you and for me.

What do I mean?

Here’s a mini dialogue I had only 2 days ago…

Habitual Helen:

You said you would start your Daily R-Elations post this week and it’s already Tuesday. Come on!!

2012 Helen:

I know but I want to get all the details for the classes lined up, get them over to Jef so he and I can put the pages together and….

Habitual Helen:

Slacker.

2012 Helen: (breathing faster and not as deeply as she would like)

You know, people will fly with you if you’re honest with them and let them know what’s going on with you in an un-whiny way.

Habitual Helen:

Yeah, but you don’t have the venues completely secured and you know how those info pages always take longer than you think. Are you sure you want to give half-baked stuff to your community? I think you’re being too loose about all this.

2012 Helen:

I’m just going to let people know what’s up. Those who
notice and are ready to dive in will take action if they’re ready. I
can’t please everyone – let alone you.

Chill. Breathe….

As a thank you for being a member of this community, we would like to
offer you a $25 Coupon Code which you can use towards any of our
upcoming online and/or live classes and workshops.

Please note, this
is valid until Friday, January 27, 2012 and yes, use it for as many of
the classes as you would like.

Coupon Code: Iamkindwithmyself

Here’s a brief outline of SOME of what’s to come. My trusty team will
be sending you “deet-sheets” about the individual classes and series
over the course of the next 2 weeks.

(NOTE: There will be more specifics about the nature of the classes but the dates are pretty much set.) Prices are will be published on the individual “deet-sheets”.

YOUR MONEY RELATIONSHIP with Helen Kim

Tuesday, January 31

A 2 hour online video class

NOTE: Our first online class!

MASTERCLASS SERIES

Personal Insight

Saturdays – February 4, 11, 18 and 25

Four 2 1/2 hour masterclasses taught by Mark Matousek, Jennifer Hamady, Noa Kageyama and Helen Kim

In person, In New York City

YOUR MONEY RELATIONSHIP with Helen Kim

Wedenesday, February 8

A 2 hour workshop

In person, in New York City

ONE DAY INTENSIVE with MARK MATOUSEK

Saturday, March 10

In person, in New York City

YOUR MONEY STORY

A 3 hour workshop with the founders of Narativ, Murray Nossel and Paul Browde, and Helen Kim

Sunday, March 25

In person, in New York City

ONE DAY INTENSIVE with JENNIFER HAMADY

Saturday, March 31

In person, in New York City

Love,

How to Feel In Control of Your Destiny in Times of Stress and Uncertainty by Renita T. Kalhorn

Helen Kim — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 16:34:18 +0000

Do you think having a 50 percent chance of dying while at work everyday might affect your job satisfaction?

Well, according to the 1945 report, Men Under Stress, that was the mortality rate for fighter pilots, the highest among the military. And yet, they also had the highest job satisfaction in the military, 93 percent of them claiming to be happy with their assignments.

How could that be?

As Taylor Clark relates in his fascinating book Nerve: Poise Under Pressure, Serenity Under Stress, and the Brave New Science of Fear and Cool: “They felt in control of their fate. They could maneuver however they liked through a huge airspace and they believed, to a man, that their piloting skill would determine their survival, not luck.”

So that’s the deal. No activity is inherently stressful or relaxing. Rather, the more certainty and control we think we have – not how much we actually have — the less stress we feel.

And what do you need to gain this perception of control?

Confidence in your ability. My favorite example of this is rock-climbers. Surrounded by very real physical threats over which they have no control — a sudden storm, avalanche or drop in temperature – they focus on what they can control: their skill, preparation and ability to find the next hand hold.

Although the final outcome will always be uncertain and out of their actual control, they derive satisfaction from knowing they are equipped to handle whatever comes up and thus influence the outcome.

A dash of autonomy. A surefire recipe for intensifying stress is to combine a feeling of powerlessness with uncertainty. Take a traffic jam, for example. German medical researchers found in a 2009 study that being stuck in traffic – caught in an unmoving blockade of cars with no idea when it will let up — more than triples your chances of suffering a heart attack.

Adding a bit of autonomy to the mix, however, can counteract this effect. In his best-selling book Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, Daniel Pink explains how: Typically, jobs at call centers have turnover rates of 35% in US and UK, double the rate for other jobs. Zappos, the progressive online retailer, however, provides its customer service team with extensive training and then lets them handle calls however they see fit. Result: it has minimal turnover and consistently ranks as one of the best companies for customer service in the US.

Regardless of your role or company policies, you too can look for ways to demonstrate free will over what, how and when you do things during your workday. Stuck on a never-ending conference call? Tidy the top of your desk. Required to use a particular tracking software? Create your own system for collecting and inputting the data.

Calibrate challenge with ability. You know the feeling of being so immersed in an activity that you lose track of time and it all seems effortless? That’s the phenomenon of “flow,” or optimal experience, as documented by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, one of the fathers of “positive psychology.”

A key element of flow is an optimum balance between our level of ability and the challenge presented: not too easy (we’ll get bored) or too difficult (we’ll give up). When the right balance is achieved, we experience a heightened sense of personal control — one reason we find being in the flow so satisfying.

When you’re feeling overwhelmed by uncertainty, calibrate the challenge so it’s a match to your ability. Like the rock climber surrounded by a myriad of elements out of his control, simply narrow your focus to the next hand hold: one phone call, one meeting, one 3:00 a.m. feeding at a time.

By learning to consciously reframe even the most chaotic situation, you’ll find that feeling “in control” is less about making life go according to plan, and more about your ability to focus your attention on what’s in your control.

For more information on Renita, please visit – http://stepupyourgamenow.com/bio/

Love,

Your Time, Energy, and Money Factor by Helen Kim

Helen Kim — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 23:30:02 +0000

One of the first questions I ask workshop participants is, “What do you want to gain from your time, energy, and money today?”

Money is a priority for those who attend, but your personal energy and time are commodities of equal, if not more importance.

These simple yet powerful questions help galvanize your thoughts around your intentions.

How much time will it take?
How much energy will/did it require of me? And what is the quality of energy I feel in the doing of this action?
How much money will it cost? Or How much money did I make?

Use this combination of questions as a tool for decision-making and see how this changes the way you function in everyday life. When asked, they can help you clarify your intended outcome perhaps allowing you to be much more efficient in the way you use your time, energy and money.

For instance, when you go to purchase something, do you ever think about the number of hours and personal energy it took for you to make the money you are about to spend? When you purchase something online, perhaps you are spending less time, energy AND money (provided you don’t spend tons of time ‘searching’). Although it might or might not be as pleasurable as shopping in person, it can save you a lot of time.

Living in New York City, I save both time and energy if I choose not to take a bus or the subway, but spend at least quadruple the amount of money by taking cabs!
After doing this exercise over a period of a few days, people have told me that they have done everything from spending less time with certain people who drain their energy, making more time to do yoga, ordering groceries online as opposed to shopping in person, to spending more time looking at money generating aspects of their businesses and delegating the more mundane duties to someone else .

Studies have proven that what remains with us are not memories of possessions, but shared experiences. As this is a gift-giving season, you might rethink the gift of your time and energy as opposed to objects (ex. Offer to sit for babies, cats, dogs… tickets to a lecture or a concert, etc.)

“It takes time and energy to make money” is a statement that I have heard often. True, but we need money to do what we want with our time and energy.

Love,

* I hope you feel this article was worth your time (1 minute), energy (what is the quality of energy you are feeling after reading this?) and money (can’t beat free! : ).